Ryan Egesdahl

Ripped from Natalie Dee:

Now that he is safely dead

Let us praise him

build moments to his glory

sing hosannas to his name.

Dead men make

such convenient heroes: They

                   cannot rise

          to challenge the images

we would fashion from their lives

And besides,

it is easier to build momuments

     than to make a better world

So, now that he is safely dead

we, with eased consciences

will teach our children

     that he was a great man…knowing

that the cause for which he lived

Is still a cause

and the dream for which he died

is still a dream,

a dead man’s dream

--Carl Wendell Himes, Jr.

There's something appearing on blogs across the world - something very strange...



Whoops! Now it's appeared on my blog. Oh, whatever shall I do? Will those big, mean Muslim extremists come after me and prove their religion is a cover for their violent tendencies? Am I going to be like the artist now, who faces assassination attempts? Will those really great Muslims who actually practice their religion somehow manage to give credence to the violent extremists while simultaneously calling for peace? Oh me oh my, whatever shall I do?

Oh, why not do what I always do - mock stupid people? Yeah, I suppose that would work.

Thanks, PZ.

I've explained this before to people, but I think my intellectual method might be turning people off what I say. Luckily for me, I have a friend in a political cartoonist:



Thank you, D.C. Simpson. Thank you.

One of my really old habits was to use mysticism to explain the world around me. Yeah, I know it doesn't really sound like me, but there was a time when, for me, magic was a very real and tangible thing.

Needless to say, I don't do that anymore.

However, I have lately been finding myself drawn back into those old habits for some reason. This time, though, I am taking my rational mind along for the ride. Because "things" are known to really happen, I already know I can't dismiss an event outright as "impossible" because it does not fit in with my worldview. If I did, then I would not be much of a scientist. So that means there has to be a real, rational, and testable explanation for all these events people attribute to "magical energies" and the like.

For example, take Spoon Bending. If you haven't seen it, you might find the idea that a normal person can bend a spoon using the power of his or her mind to be fascinating. In fact, you might want to believe that the power of the mind in some way contributes to the event. Here's a video showing the event (ignore the froo-froo at the beginning):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSfJjdnqfOo&feature=related

Amazed? You should be. It's actually not all that easy to bend a spoon just by picking one up and trying to twist it. Based on the fact that this not-so-strong woman has managed to perform a feat I find difficult with relative ease, I find myself drawn to the idea that she has some special knowledge or gift that allows her to perform the feat. Here's her explanation as to how it's done (and a how-to for you as well!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-e_45BIbsg

In that video, she talks about the power of intention and a deep focus giving her the ability to perform such a feat. She even offers to teach you (for free) how to do it yourself. Naturally, she's selling something, but the feat comes for free.

And you know what? She's right! That's exactly how it's done.

But it's not so special or supernatural at all. In fact, you can completely ignore all the "energy" lingo and just follow what she says to do it.

Here's why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPxEA_cCm0o&NR=1

So, yeah, sorry to burst your bubble if you're particularly new-age. It's not really all that special an ability. It's just uncommon and unpracticed for most people. If you pay attention to Carol-Anne Roland in her how-to video, you'll note she's saying exactly what Michael Shermer is saying in his skeptical video, but with a lot more nonsense thrown in to get your mind off the rational track - which is necessary for people who believe they cannot do it. As Michael Shermer says, it actually requires some focus to perform spoon bending; it doesn't really matter how you attain it.

There are another two videos where Michael Shermer demonstrates his method:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOwF_f1KL7w&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBRFxQDRf0k&feature=related

Note that Michael Shermer is a skeptic, and yet he is able to perform exactly the same feat Carol-Anne Roland is capable of. Without any energy visualization, he is still bending the spoon, but he uses the "power of his mind" to understand what he is doing rather than provide froo-froo explanations.

This casts a whole new light on things like Psychokinesis, Telekinesis, Clairvoyance, Telepathy, etc. for me. The fact is, there aren't any reliable studies that show these events truly occur. But if they do occur, they do not appear to be verifiable anyway. What that means is that there is a rational and perfectly mundane explanation for these extraordinary occurrences. We may simply be tapping into abilities we are not aware we possess - and that's not so weird after all.

So, the laptop I have been using for the past few months has died. It appears that the hard drive has committed a MONDO-FAIL error, which in non-technical terms means its best use now is as a coaster. What makes all this worse is the fact that the laptop isn't even mine - it's my friend Steve's. It's not like he was using it, but I don't like even unintentionally returning an item in a worse state than when I initially borrowed it. Also, I am acquiring a reputation as a laptop killer - I sure hope it's not true since I will be getting my own this Friday (I hope). Well, at least I managed to get the vast majority of the important files before the hard drive crapped out - a thing I did last night.

And now I turn your attention to these pertinent anecdotes and adages:

Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will.
Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
Heinlein's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Clark's Law: Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
Sturgeon's Law: Nothing is always absolutely so.
Sturgeon's Revelation: Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Pareto Principle: 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

"Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain." - Freidrich von Schiller

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." - Elbert Hubbard

"I divide my officers into four classes; the clever, the lazy, the industrious, and the stupid. Each officer possesses at least two of these qualities. Those who are clever and industrious are fitted for the highest staff appointments. Use can be made of those who are stupid and lazy. The man who is clever and lazy, however, is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations. But whoever is stupid and industrious is a menace and must be removed immediately!" - General Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord

So I have just seen the season three finale of Battlestar Galactica. I have one thing to say:

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD MARY, JOSEPH, AND JESUS!

That is all.

Finally, I think I have the solution to all human strife and suffering. Are you ready for it?
( Read more... )
Anybody want some lemonade?

Where I work, we have a single email account we check for issues or complaints with our service. Not surprisingly, we also get a whole Hell of a lot of spam in that mailbox, which we read sometimes for sheer amusement. MegaDik is one of the more regular violators of our inbox, and they have a history of making us laugh. This spam, however, simply takes the cake:

Subject: Sail down the love canal more confidently.

At last you've found a babe that's hot
You wanna nail her juicy twat.
She's full of passion, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will ask for more?
You need a dong she would adore!
But how to grow it long and thick?
Your only hope is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see great pleasure in her eyes!
Your shaft will bang her pink so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!

Bill Maher goes apeshit on religion. I can't say I disagree with him.

Seriously. Just give the dog back. What part of this whole situation can you not see as cutting off the nose to spite the face?

Ellen Degeneres breaks down on her show. (MSN Video link)

I direct you now to a beautiful passage:

"Mike, growing up with a secret like mine makes you feel like a freak surrounded by a whole world of normal people. It's just not fair. Not only did I have to grow up gay, but I was also cursed with absolutely no talent or desire to play any of the popular stuff like football or baseball. If it hadn't been for you I still wouldn't know how to throw a ball today. How the fuck was I supposed to try and fit in with everyone else? If I had grown up athletic like you, you and I would have been friends from the very start. It would have been you and me, from
t-ball all the way on up to the varsity team, and you probably wouldn't have ever known my secret because then, I would have been playing the game just like everyone else. I wasn't blessed with choices like you were. I had to find a home with the only crowd that would take me and as you know, the Boy George wanna-be's of the drama group were somewhere on par with the math club geeks on the food chain of popularity.”

I pause as a particularly painful memory comes to mind.

"You know your friends used to spit on me Mike? They would back me up against the lockers, spit on me and call me a ‘fucking faggot’ in front of an entire hallway full of strangers."

"They were assholes Grayce. You weren't missing anything not being part of that crowd."

"Yes I was Mike. I was missing being automatically popular just for being tall and good-looking. Missing being invited to every party and social occasion. Missing being talked about behind my back in good way. Missing having girls giggle as I walk by and getting laid by any of 'em I wanted. I was missing having teammates respect me as an essential and valued member of a team. But mostly, I was missing being looked up to and worshipped by the other 75% of the student body population of Oak Park-River Forest High School simply because God was good to me.

"It wasn't so perfect for me Grayce. I had a tough time too."

"That's always so easy for people like you to say Mike, 'cause you weren't on the outside looking in. But here's the test. If you had it all over to do again would you even consider trading places with me?"

Mike looks down into his beer.

Enough said.

My good friend Josh has decided to illuminate all men (and some women) on the joys and techniques of oral sex. Josh, however, is straight, and so he does not understand the hard work required to become proficient at poenile fellatio. And by this I mean blowjobs. So, for the enjoyment and illumination of all women (and some men) out there, I give you my treatise on "The Blowjob" - which, for the purposes of mock decorum, you will find below the fold.
( Read more... )

Now that Bill Orally has made a complete ass of himself, I figure it's about time I do the same: I am a racist.

Yes, that's right - you didn't misread my statement that I am a racist. Because of this fact, I believe that Bill Orally (and this hurts) truly is receiving unfair treatment by the media. And if I am correct, chances are that you are racist, too. Why do I know this?

We human beings spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on what is different between ourselves and other people, that's why. For most people, the most obvious difference is in the way someone appears. Sometimes, that's a person's mohawk or white face-paint, but for most others, it's all about skin color. It really is wrong to assume that just because someone is black, he or she will like rap music and behave like a thug (or a whore) in public. In my experience, even some people who put forth that image don't behave badly, but I have to admit that most of the time I expect it - especially from those of my generation or younger.

The trouble is, my racism, while still wrong, is not unfounded. Most black youth do behave horribly in public. Most look like they have just rolled out of bed and thrown on whatever is at hand, or look like they have recently lost five hundred pounds, or like they've been in prison and proud of it, or that sex and money and drugs are worthy of worship. Then, they go to church and pray to God with a fervor equal to the devotion they have to whatever rap star they admire - and that night you can find them at the clubs drinking too much and behaving in a most unpious manner.

Before anyone decides to tell me I don't know what I am talking about, you can just stow it. I was a student at Prairie View A&M University, a very predominantly and historically black university, for an entire year. I left because I could not stand the hypocrisy, cronyism, and - yes - rampant racism I experienced while I was there.

Those who know me also know that I am a very tolerant, nonjudgmental, and forward-thinking person. I don't tend to evaluate people on the basis of a few things I notice in the first few seconds of meeting a person. The problem is, when it comes to black youth, those instantaneous judgments tend to be correct. Sure, there's a unique person under all that, but I rarely want to get to know that person at all. Why? Well, I have no problem getting to know and even like ugly or mean people, but when a person tries to subsume all other personality traits into a few words such as "Jesus" and "nigga", I find myself not giving a shit.

And therein lies the problem with how OhReally is now being lampooned by the media. With the exception of a very few people in the world, we are all of us racist, but in the last few decades we have become more polite about it. We use terms like "affirmative action", "African American" and "mutual respect" in place of past terms like "black power", "nigger", and "separate but equal". None of it has changed. I have all the respect in the world for the culture that won the civil rights movement in the sixties and seventies, but that culture ain't now.

So go on and say Billy Boy of Fixed News is a racist - and then do the same for yourself. Show how brave you are and just admit it. This has been a problem I have been working on for several years - to learn to tolerate the racism of others* while I learn to ignore race altogether. It isn't easy at all, and you aren't going to get there by making a public spectacle of a hateful person.

* If you think this isn't the right answer for getting rid of racism, then ask yourself how you intend to do so by constantly acknowledging it and making allowances for it via such mechanisms as Affirmative Action and the NAACP. If you constantly portray yourself as downtrodden and you can get someone to acknowledge your perception as fact, there is no difference between the reality of your situation and how others see it by that point. Get up off your ass and realize that everyone's life sucks and some of us don't appreciate others getting handouts while we have to work for what we have. Just why the Hell do you think I work 40 hours a week and go to school, Mr. "I get a scholarship by virtue of my parentage?"

No way!

Oh mother of mine:
Butter is fine.
Praise and thanks be to Him,
We're alive and full of vim.
Through the world we dash,
Though we're rather short of cash,
But we don't find this provoking
And none of us are choking.
Besides, to the people I'm tied
Who carry their muck inside
And let it out if they are able,
Both before and after the table.
At night of farts there is no lack,
Which let off, forsooth, with a powerful crack.
The king of farts came yesterday
Whose farts smelt sweeter than the may.
His voice, however, was no treat
And he himself was in a heat.
Well, now we've been over a week away
And we've been shitting everyday.
Wendling, no doubt, is in a rage
That I haven't composed a single page;
But when I cross the Rhine once more,
I'll surely dash home through the door
And, least he call me mean and petty,
I'll finish off his four quartetti.
The concerto for Paris I'll keep, it's more fitting.
I'll scribble it there someday when I'm shitting.
Indeed I swear 't would be far more fun
With the Webers around the world to run
Then go with those bores, you know whom I mean.
When I think of their faces, I get the spleen.
But I suppose it must be and off we shall toddle,
Though Weber's arse I prefer to Ramm's noodle.
A slice of Weber's arse is a thing
I'd rather have than Monsieur Wendling.
With our shitting God we cannot hurt,
And least of all if we bite the dirt.
We are honest birds, all of a feather,
We have summa summarum eight eyes together
Not counting those on which we sit.
But now I must rest a bit
From Rhyming. Yet this I must add,
That on Monday I'll have the honor, egad,
To embrace you and kiss your hands so fair.
But first in my pants I'll shit, I swear.

Your faithful child, With distemper wild.
Trazom.

(Poem written by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to his mother in 1778.)

I love you, Mom!

Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale - a tale...aw, never mind. For once, I'll let you in on some of my secrets.
( Read more... )

I know, I know. I've been talking about religion a lot lately. I think you'll all enjoy this lovely little series from Ctrl-Alt-Del.

In particular, this one.

Be blessed by the Gods of Gaming. Let us play.

Honey, I'm leaving you for this girl:



But that's ok. I'm pretty sure you're leaving me for her, too.

I really like Rowan Atkinson...